Being a pastor means that people often turn to you for guidance in the most crucial moments of their lives. This means pastors need to know a little bit about how everything works because they will be drawn into conversations that range from legal issues to finances to family matters.
Every pastor should have at least a working knowledge of the adoption process – both for families in their church who want to adopt and for women who may be considering making an adoption plan.
If you find yourself in a leadership position and needing to know more, here are a few key things to understand.
A quick, easy and cheap adoption is a rarity.
It’s not that it never happens, but it’s rare. When people call you trying to find a way around a system, it signifies that they don’t understand that the system is actually for peoples’ protection. You don’t want to work with an expectant mother who later feels pressured or an adoptive couple that feels duped.
Those quick deals where a random young woman is expecting and wants to find a couple to adopt and can everyone just post it on facebook? They almost never work. The couples in your church would do better to go through a reputable agency, and so would the expectant mothers.
At Zoe’s House Adoption Agency, our fees are among the lowest you will find anywhere, but there is still a lot of paperwork and double checking because we are dealing with human beings and we take the responsibility very seriously.
The expectant mother & biological father are in control.
They will have a hard time believing this, because many times they have been taken advantage of or at least feel like they have, but the adoption process puts most of the decisions about openness, who receives their baby, etc directly in the biological parents’ hands – and it should. They are stewarding a life.
That seventeen year old in your congregation who needs to make some hard decisions will not be treated like a victim. With a good agency, she will be treated with dignity and allowed time to process her decision. She will not be pressured.
The baby’s biological father has legal rights.
In fact, he has the same rights as the expectant mother. This is hard for people to understand, perhaps because an expectant mother can abort a child on her own – but she can’t make an adoption plan without the consent, implied or expressed, of the biological father. He needs to sign consent or have his rights terminated through another legal means, but he cannot simply be ignored.
A good agency will know how to proceed with this but understand that you can’t steamroll a biological dad. It’s not legal and it’s not ethical. Everyone should have the right to father if they’re able, and doing the homework to bring the birth father into the process early will help it go much smoother later.
The waiting doesn’t have to be as long as you think.
One of the concerns your families will have in saying yes to adoption is how long the process takes. They’ve heard of people who waited for years and years – and sometimes, it can take that long, but often those long waits are exaserbated by other circumstances, such as the adoptive parents’ unwillingness to travel or consider a child of another race.
If they couple is open to different situations, more opportunities will open. Also, remind them that old fashioned way takes a minimum of nine months – and sometimes longer.
Adoption can be daunting, but thousands navigate it successfully every year. There is a system for it, and if you know where to plug in, it works for everywhere.
We’d like to be a resource for you. If you’re a pastor who wants to know more about how it works so you can answer them with authority, email our Executive Director, Randy Bohlender, with your questions or to set up a time to talk on the phone. We would be happy to talk with you or even come and do a seminar for your church. When more people understand adoption, everyone wins.
It’s a matter of LIFE.
____
Zoe’s House is a faith based adoption agency serving families nationwide. Contact us at info@zoeshouseadoptions.com if you have questions or would like to host a speaker, especially during November – National Adoption Month!