Recently, we asked people what the felt the biggest hindrance to adoption was. The answers ran the gamut. Financial demands ranked high.  So did concerns about how it all worked out.

Most answers shared a common element:  Fear.

Whether it was fear of not being able to raise the money, a fear of all of the paperwork to be negotiated, or a fear that after investing their heart, an expectant mother may change her mind, most people struggle with that unresolved “What if…”.

Here are three ways to combat fear as you step into the role of adoption.

Call it out.

Fear often masquerades as other things.  Uncertainty.  Confusion.  Even wisdom.   Not calling it what it really is allows us to entertain it at a level that we may not if we were just honest with ourselves.  We’re afraid.

We navigate fear by considering the goal.

Adulthood is full of scary things.  Marriage.  Mortgages.  Job changes. We navigate fear by recognizing that the end goal is worth the trial.  We press past the fear of relationships because relationships matter.  We make job changes because the next job is better than the last one.  We adopt because it matters and makes an eternal impact.

We may be afraid, but we’re not going to call it wisdom.  We’re going to call it fear and treat it accordingly.

Talk it out.

God gave you a spouse because you needed a spare brain.   Seriously.  People fail to recognize that in a marriage relationship, we have access to an entirely separate processing system that is often working better than our own.

Verbalize your fear.   It brings perspective.

Don’t be afraid to tell your mate “I am afraid of __________”.  It serves two purposes.

Talking through your fear with your mate forces you to verbalize it. Hearing our fear out loud sometimes reminds us that things aren’t so bad.  You hear yourself saying “I’m afraid we won’t get the paperwork together in time…” and then you realize that if you delete the Facebook app from your phone, this might actually be doable.

Talking through your fear with your mate offers them an opportunity to support you in a way you may not have expected.  Maybe that one extra errand to drop off the home study or the task of finding the taxes in the attic are totally doable by your spouse but would wreck your day.

Address your fears with your spouse.  God gave them to you to help you carry the load.  Together, you are stronger.

Pray it out.

This may sound hyper spiritual to some people, but we have found that prayer is key to dealing with fear.

We are doing something bigger than ourselves.

Prayer takes our little bit of faith and puts it under God’s magnifying glass.  It reminds us that we were called to adopt, and God provides for His plans.   It brings us back to the fact that we are doing something bigger than ourselves.

When you sit down with your paperwork, when you’re looking at your bank balance, or when you’re trying to work up the courage to paint that spare room because you hope a baby calls it home, always with prayer. Ask God to calm your heart, to show you His hands in all this, and to give you power and strength in your inner man.

You can’t make adoption happen.  All  you can do is be obedient to your calling.  The best way to walk in obedience is to get as close to God as you can, because in His presence, fear fades away.

Fear is conquerable.  You can do this.