Adoption is an exercise in Hurry Up and Wait.
It starts with a bang and often culminates in a flurry, but in between the treasure hunt for paperwork during your home study and the race to the hospital when you realize your child is being born, there’s a remarkable amount of waiting. With waiting comes wondering. Sometimes, it trends towards discouragement as you realize you are waiting on something entirely out of your control and largely out of your influence.
It’s not that you’re impatient with God – but if there’s anything you can be doing, you want to be doing it. This is too important to spend time passively. Here are a few proactive things you can do while you wait to be matched.
Pray for the expectant mother.
Obviously, you will be praying for her health and the health of the baby, but you can go further. Pray for her life. For her relationships. For her future. The best thing for your adoption would be if the expectant mother would go on to flourish in life – it will help her in her processing and as the birth mother of your child, you want to see her do well. So go ahead – pray – you’ll find your heart invested in her in a whole new way.
Start making the big plans.
If your adoption might happen out of state, start thinking about who will cover your responsibilities while you’re gone. An out of state adoption may mean a two or even three week stay, depending on how quickly the two states can work out the paperwork. Who will cover for you at work? Who will walk your dog or drive the carpool? Of course, not all details can be ironed out for a trip that may happen now or in six months, but you can start putting together contingency plans so that when the day comes, you can enjoy the moment rather than worry about who’s going to return the library books. (Insider info: You’re going to forget the library books at this point).
Prepare your family.
A lot of people get really involved preparing for the baby in a physical way. Of course you want to be ready, but if you’re not yet matched, we wouldn’t worry about stocking up on diapers and formula just yet. It’s better to invest that time with your own kids or your spouse, talking about how life will be different when baby comes and how you will compensate to still spend quality time together. As a general rule, children love to be involved in the discussion. It is ok to surprise your child with a puppy, but not a brother or sister. They need some time to process.
Waiting isn’t fun, but it’s a part of the process, whether you’re carrying a biological child or waiting on adoption news. When it’s all done and you arrive home with that baby, you’ll agree that the wait was well worth it.