Much of what we do in regards to adoption involves answering questions. Lots and lots of questions.
An adoptive families choose the when of adoption, so they often come with reams of questions. They’ve been asking them to one another for months – perhaps years – and now they have someone in our office to answer them and so they’re off to the races, and we think that’s awesome.
Expectant mothers don’t have the luxury of choosing the when of adoption. They were not planning this pregnancy. They have not thought about this for months and years. They are vulnerable, scared and without a clear idea how to go forward.
As a result, their questions are simple and raw. Here are a few things most expectant moms asks us when they start to decide if making an adoption plan is best for them.
How do I know my baby will be ok?
Expectant mothers think like mothers from the beginning. In almost every case, their primary questions are about the care of their baby. They aren’t looking for total control. They’re looking for assurance that their child will be cared for and loved. In some cases, they’re going to want to know they can get pictures once in a while along with a short update. They’re moms. They love their babies.
Where do you find adoptive families?
This really is an extension of the first question. They are glad to hear that our families go through extensive vetting and that the process for adoption includes background checks, fingerprints, interviews and education. Some of our expectant moms have bounced from parent to parent and they’re looking for solid families because they want better for their children than they were given.
Do you think someone would want my child?
This is a shock to many families who are eager to adopt, but it’s a common question. Perhaps because of poor self image, concerns about racism, or just a misunderstanding about adoption, expectant moms want assurances that someone would want and love their baby as much as they would. Our answer is, of course, yes. We have always been able to find a family that would love a young woman’s baby.
Does this cost money?
Many expectant mothers have been taken advantage by others and expect everything to cost them…including making an adoption plan. They are genuinely surprised that we are here to help them at no cost to them. They come expecting to have to pay.
We do help young women with some financial needs if needed, but we work hard to connect them with other resources first. If we do need to help directly, we do it by taking them grocery shopping or perhaps paying a utility bill directly. If they need clothes, we have resources to help them. The state limits the amount of support any young woman receives. The number varies between states, but it’s low enough that when adoption is done legally and ethically, it’s never a number that would entice a young woman to make an adoption plan.
The picture of a young woman trying to scam an agency out of money is blown far out of proportion. We’re not saying it never happens – but it’s rare. As of yet, our agency has never lost money to a scam. It’s not impossible, but it’s unlikely if we are doing our homework.
If you’d like to help us provide excellent care for young women who are weighing their adoption options, please consider supporting Zoe’s House. We’re a non profit and all gifts are tax deductible. Your gifts help us care for young women who are choosing LIFE.